It's 12 am and I can't sleep, it's not that late, but this medication makes me sleepy all day and awake all of the night. I want a hug, I want to cry, I want to move everything out into the yard, I want to hose down this house, hose down myself. I have a job interview tomorrow, that's pretty exciting. The start of something new, hopefully I get the job I think I'd fit in well over there... Maybe I can be happy. My eyes are sleepy, my brain is always working, always twisting. Stop.... Just... Stop. This head ache is pounding in my ears, pounding. Tiny woodpeckers are pecking at my ear drums. Teeth clenched like I'm about to attack, but the only thing I'm attaching is my self. I wonder if these thoughts will ever matter to anyone but myself, in that case they seem pretty pointless, temporary. There's no material value in this... Why not just go to sleep. This is all an illusion... You just think your heart is broken, but it's beating, it has to he beating. Sometimes I check my pulse just to make sure it's there.