I am in Love


I am in love...

I am depressed...

How can a depressed person fully accept love, full accept a person for who they are if they can't accept themselves?

Tell me I can be enough for him, because he deserves so much more than he's been given. He deserves so much more love than he's been shown. So much more care than anyone I've met. But I'm depressed, and trying. Depressed and trying to be more than the voices racing through my head. Depressed and dreaming of all the things I wish that I was, better yet all the things that I wish I wasn't. I want to cocoon myself in rice paper, fix myself until I'm enough, truth is maybe I'll never be enough, or feel enough. Collecting all the good thoughts trying to preserve them in a glass jar, "look, see. I'm worth it. This is proof." He can tell me he loves me all he wants tell me I'm beautiful more than I can count but I don't believe him. Overlapping his words are words that have been said to me... Long ago. Words that aren't relevant but repeat in my head. How can someone hurt someone like that? Better yet, how can someone hurt a child like that. How can someone hurt me like that?


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